My New Transport

My latest invention is a brand new time travel machine. It also doubles as a bomb shelter. This will be very handy if I travel forward into the future and just happen to land in the middle of a nuclear war. It is powered by a small plutonium generator which rests on the floor near the operating console. Since I am environmentally-minded, I designed the plutonium generator to double as a microwave oven. This conserves power. I call my combo time machine/bomb shelter a "Time Bomb". After a successful testing phase, I plan to mass market the unit. If you want one, you must notify me now!

My Old Transport

I built this time machine in 2005. I have had some success traveling forward in time. In an early test-run, I was catapulted five whole minutes into the future! Unfortunately, it took the machine 5 minutes to get there. So, it still needs some fine-tuning. I also experienced some difficulty with water leaking into the chamber. This is not good because of the live wires that run throughout. Although I had documented several successful tests of this time-travel device in my memoirs, it turned out that many of them were only hallucinations brought on by electric shock. This was a setback to my memoirs which were scheduled to be published by Oprah later this year. After all, I would not want to print any half-truths. As far as the machine goes, I decided to remove the shower-head from inside the vessel to lessen the water-content (which had somehow been causing the electric shock I mentioned). Removing the shower-head was partially a mistake because once it came off, the water poured in even more freely. Although, it did become easier to aim the stream away from the wires and toward the drainage port. Sadly, in September of 2005, my entire laboratory burned down in a freak accident. all that remained of the time-travel machine was the metal shell. However, the fire was so hot, it welded all the metal together and the machine is now completely water-tight. I look forward to re-wiring it and starting anew. Click HERE to view a short film of the first test run of this amazing time-travel device!

My Phone

When I first discovered this telephone, it was not working. One reason was because all the wires were missing. The other reason was because it had been repeatedly banged on the floor. This type of activity is not good for phones. I am good with wires and tools, so I fixed it and enhanced it's capabilities. As a result, it tends to work now. It is capable of receiving and transmitting tones well-above 20khz. These are things I cannot hear, but they can. Unfortunately, I only have telephone service one week out of the month because I'm on a timeshare.

My Bed

My bed is called "Model 585". It is adjustable for those nights when I need to be fully upright. These are good beds and if you ever need one, they can be delivered to you. It also has controls built right in which can be modified to adjust satellite transponder settings. You can also use it as a remote control for your television. It's nice to be in control, even when you sleep. Of course, sometimes I find it necessary to sleep on the roof. There is no bed up on the roof. It slides off if you try.

My Room

This is the view from my bed. Everything here is what I have built. I must be near my equipment while I sleep. Some of the best transmissions happen at night, so I don't want to miss them. There is a 1khz tone which sounds if radio activity is detected. The equipment I use is quite capable of receiving transmitted codes and chatter from many distant lands. However, I have not developed any translation devices. So, at this time the only way to transpose their messages is to use my books and knowledge. Mostly this works.

My Books

My favorite subject in school was Shakespearean Math. Unfortunately, after my school burned down I could not find another place that taught these lessons. Nor could I find a library which included those works by Shakespeare that my fellow students (God rest their souls) and I were accustomed to. I have found some other books that seem to have been written by the same Shakespeare. I have found that I enjoy those writings immensely and maintain a large collection of his works. In addition, my library contains most of the sonnets of King Triumpodial, except for the rare third installment. If you have a copy, notify me now!

My Self-Defense Devices

If you have familiarized yourself with the twelve prophesies of Needermeir, then you will already know what these are and why I keep them in my annex. If you have not yet learned of the prophesies, then you will want to do so. Unfortunately, the prophesies are not available in printed form but through word of mouth.